Shouting At Dustbins

2009-02-14T10:29:00.001Z

Gone fishin'

I don't really have much to say these days so I'm just going to suspend this blog for a while. Cheerio.

2008-09-25T15:58:00.002+01:00

Sex, sadism and snobbery

This seems like as good a time as any to come out of retirement for Her Majesty and provide a brief summation of all things Bond.

31 October sees the UK release of Quantum of Solace, the 22nd James Bond film (we're not counting Never Say Never Again, cos it's total clownshoes). Two official trailers have been released and you can find these on the official website.

No new Bond film is complete without its own theme and this time around it's Another Way To Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys. An instrumental version has been used in an advert for Coke Zero, leaving Jack White displeased.

Perhaps they should have just used the songs by Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish instead.

It's also about the time the Ian Fleming Centenary celebrations are coming to an end, but not without a gala evening hosted by Stephen Fry at the London Palladium to celebrate the author's most popular creation. Not forgetting the Imperial War Museum is still running its Bond and Fleming exhibition into next year though.

Films, music, exhibitions, swanky evenings in town, soft drinks. This still might not be enough for you, so why not indulge in the complete James Bond lifestyle. Food, drink, cars, clothers, gadgets and girls, everything an aspiring secret agent needs.

Or, if you just can't wait for the film, pirate copies of Quantum Of Solace are available in Harrow.

2008-01-08T11:52:00.000Z

Double-O Heaven

This year mark's James Bond author Ian Fleming's 100th birthday. Sadly of course, the old scribe is no longer with us, but there's still a host of double-O shenanigans to mark the event.

8 January sees the release of a set of first-day covers from the Royal Mail depicting the original artwork from Flemings books; good for the collector or to frame for the wall, I'd think. On 17 April the Imperial War Museum exhibition For Your Eyes Only will devote a new exhibition to both the life and works of Fleming. The exhibition will also be accompanied by a new book from Ben Macintyre.

April continues apace with an exhibition under the banner of Bond Bound: Ian Fleming and the Art of Cover Design, at the Fleming Collection on Berkeley Street, Mayfair, on 22 April. As the name suggests, this event will focus in particular on the artwork used for the original novels. To round off April, Radio 4 will apparently be broadcasting a special radio adaptation of Dr No.

Perhaps the most significant event in the first half of the year though is the release of a brand new James Bond novel, Devil May Care, on 28 May - Fleming's birthday. Penned by Sebastian Faulks (writing as Fleming), it promises to take our hero back into the Cold War era for more thrills and spills.

November brings something quite different though: the 22nd James Bond film. Production is currently underway and the first spy pictures are leaking out, but many facts do remain a mystery. What we do know is that the film begins apparently only a few minutes after the end of Casino Royale, Jeffrey Wright will return as Felix Leiter, Mathieu Amalric is a key villain and that British actress Gemma Arterton has landed one of the female roles (but probably not the main Bond-girl). Director Marc Forster has claimed the film will be 120 minutes long and Daniel Craig apparently let slip on GMTV that the new film will have the simple title of '007', but this is far from certain.

The year promises to leave us both shaken and stirred. Sorry.

2007-10-11T14:58:00.000+01:00

Ice cream...

I had an experience the other day that was akin to something like the scene in 2001: A Space Oddysey when Dave goes hurtling through time and space. It was induced by a trailer for Channel 4's 25th birthday in which they used the old channel ident. Instantly I was transported back to a time of Beano's for 12p, penny chews, and peddling my racing bike as fast as possible round Budgen's car park.

The nostalgia continued with the revelation that seminal video-game Speedball II is making a comeback, albeit on the Xbox Live (watch the trailer). Surely still one of the best theme tunes from a game? Mind you, I saw a revamped version of Sensible Soccer in Woolworths the other day, and it looked like nothing other than a huge disappointment.

Speaking of football nostalgia, what about Gazza (smooth segue huh)? Who can forget his schoolboy's own stuff (or something like that) against Arsenal, undoubtedly a better TV experience than watching the Mary Rose being raised. I know I've lept more than a few years in that comparison, but let's be fair: everyone was extremely disappointed to spend hours watching a very wet and muddy piece of wood brought slowly to the surface.

Still, there's no one who has bad memories of this.

2007-10-08T16:49:00.000+01:00

The Spy Who Blogged Me

I'm sure you wouldn't mind seeing a few James Bond covers apropos of nothing, would you? Thought as much.

Coldplay get things started with a cracking version of You Only Live Twice:

Damn, I want that as an MP3 now. Anyway, let's see how Radiohead move into Roger Moore territory with a frankly creepy version of Nobody Does It Better:

Finally, northern upstarts and professional George Formby tribute act, The Arctic Monkeys thrown their cloth cap into the ring with Diamonds Are Forever at Glastonbury:

But then again, your best bet is just to go and buy David Arnold's Shaken And Stirred album.

2007-08-04T15:04:00.000+01:00

It's the Pits

Just thought I'd furnish you all with a few YouTube videos on one of my favourite subjects: Formula 1.

First up, we have the musical Renault:

The following video is becoming increasingly ironic with each race. But who knows, maybe one day Alonso will actually allow Hamilton a fair race.

Racing has changed a lot over the years, but there's nothing wrong with a little nostalgia. Sadly, not all of the memories are happy:

2007-07-11T11:14:00.000+01:00

Shedding more light?

Ok, so I'm running very much behind the rest of the internet, but here's a few more clues that might reveal a little more about the mystery trailer below.

J.J. Abrams has said that the only site actually connected to the mystery movie that has so far been FOUND is the official site, but why then are there a wealth of others aligning themselves to the 1-18-08 mantra?

http://www.ethanhaas.org/

Looking at the source code reveals some text:

The great cycle, the beginning and the end, turns just as the plans of the gods turn once again to the world of men.

And they will come upon the earth only after the skies rain down fire and the very earth itself is made to shake and the great cities of men fall into ruins. Their plans are set and their purpose is clear; they come for war.

Ethan Haas 7cm

And then, a whole host of links to other sites:

http://www.abz3293.com
http://ethanhaaswaswrong.blogspot.com/
http://www.ethanhaaswasright.com
http://www.slusho.com
http://ethanhaas.org/cloverfield/

And an email address: 7cm@ethanhaas.org

I loves a good mystery I does!

2007-07-10T11:09:00.000+01:00

What the hell is it?

The interwebs is alive with discussion about what exactly this is a trailer for:

J.J. Abrams is known for his enigmatic projects, and people seem keen to unwrap the meaning of this brief teaser which has been showing before the new Transformers film. Currently going under the working title of Cloverfield, dots are being joined to try and link it to the H.P. Lovecraft creation Cthulu. They might be viciously wide of the mark; maybe it's something to do with one of Abram's other pieces of work, like Lost?

Whatever it is, you can try and keep up with the gossip on the Empire and Ain't It Cool sites. Good luck in trying to work it out though, this looks like it could be shrouded in secrecy for a little while yet.

2007-07-03T19:43:00.000+01:00

And We're Back...

My word, how long since the last blog entry? I feel as if I have failed my audience. Yes, both of you.

To be honest I’ve not had much to report, but now seems like a timely moment to delight you with tales of daring and whimsy. Or some stuff from around town and a smattering of YouTube videos.

29 July sees the Red Bull Air Race come to London. If you’ve not seen it before then think of a formula one race, with planes and obstacles. Still none the wiser? Go on, have a gander:

Later in the year, but none the less exciting, is the Race Of Champions at the new Wembley stadium (when does something stop being ‘new’?). Again, if you’re looking for a comparison, this is somewhat like getting the world’s best drivers, putting them on a giant Scalextric track inside a stadium and then making them go like the clappers:

16 December is the date for your diaries, and it promises to be an excellent show with Michael Schumacher, David Couldthard, Jenson Button, Colin McRae and maybe (whisper it) Lewis Hamilton.

Of course, the whiff of petrol fumes may not be your thing. You’d do well therefore to check out the Amateur Transplants, a London-based duo famed for their sweary song about our capital’s underground network. They’re playing at the New Players Theatre in Villiers Street on the 4th and 5th of July, so get down there sharpish. But don’t say I didn’t warn you about the potty-mouthed pair, as the video ably demonstrates:

Right then, toodles!

2007-06-05T11:14:00.000+01:00

The gold medal might have to wait

It looks like someone just sneezed a load of blancmange, or possibly two persons engaged in a carnal act, but it is actually our London 2012 Olympic Games logo.

Personally I was extremely pleased when London was awarded the games and I refused to get caught up in the negativity surrounding the event. But seriously, this logo is truly dire. After a reported £400,000 this is the best we can come up with? Give me a box of crayons and ten minutes and I’ll give you five better alternatives.

Will Lord Coe listen? Well, the people are speaking and you can join and sign the petition. At the time of writing it is almost 17,000 signatures strong and that's in less than a day. Will it work though? The BBC also invited alternative designs, and special kudos must go to ‘Coast Of Yemen’ (that’s his username, not a vague location) and the lads and ladies at B3ta.com for getting a logo on News 24. Yes it's subversive, but if you don't know why then I really can't tell you.

Elsewhere in our fair city, it seems that the views of St. Paul’s may be under threat from a bunch of ne’er-do-wells, including the highly suspicious Ruth Kelly. It’s popery I tell you.

And, as I believe is now my duty, I should point you towards a wiki for blogging eBayers, past and present. Staff members only I’m afraid, but that might just be your bag.

Until next time, stay classy London.

2007-05-30T11:03:00.000+01:00

Something wicked this way comes...

Do you like the smell of diesel? Do you long for the gentle waft of hot dogs frying at 9 in the morning? Is your day incomplete without pounding Euro-dance music and people shrieking outside your window? Then you’ll love Pinner Fair!

Yes, it’s back, and once again Baghdad is looking like an attractive holiday destination. The last of its kind in Middlesex, such as it is, the fair has been running since 1336, and some of the toothless crones in attendance this year were doubtlessly at that inaugural coconut-shy.

I’m being glib; as big a pain in the arse as it is for residents, businesses, the council and those simply trying to navigate the under-maintained roads of Harrow, it is far too steeped in tradition to resent it completely.

But I’m sure the council would rather it disappeared. Each year, the fair can only be as big as it was the previous year, so if some folks haven’t turned up for today’s festivities, then they won’t be able to cram into next year’s fair.

I’d take some pictures, but they really would be extremely similar to the photos from 2006. For your own Pinner Fair experience in the comfort of your home, simply throw your money into the air, get your friends or loved ones to pick your pockets, and finish by spinning round and round on an office chair until your dinner decides upon a repeat performance.

Scream if you want to go faster. Or if you’ve eaten too many doughnuts.

2007-05-20T14:26:00.000+01:00

HMS Belfast and The Gotheborg

As mentioned the other day, The Gotheborg pulled into the Pool of London on Saturday 19th May, and a few of us were gathered on London Bridge to capture the moment as the ship passed through Tower Bridge and fired an eight-gun salute at HMS Belfast. Here's some pictures, click for bigness:

You can also watch some video that I shot of the two boats as well (low-res YouTube version also available).

Have to admit that HMS Belfast's return salute was somewhat disappointing (hence it doesn't really feature in my footage). Still, must have scared anyone nearby who didn't know what was going on.

2007-05-13T09:59:00.000+01:00

Pro Tanto Quid Retribuamas

Seeing as how the oh-so-considerate nearby builders decided to wake me at 8.30am on a Sunday, I might as well post some guff on here.

Fortunate as I was to enjoy a stroll from Waterloo Bridge to Tower Bridge on Friday, I noticed the current oddity that is the National Film Theatre covered in grass. Give us a bit more sunshine and I can almost imagine a few people trying to lay out their tartan travel-rugs on it for a little picnic.

I passed it on my route, but it wasn’t until later I learnt that HMS Belfast will be firing an all-guns salute on Saturday 19th May (though I am not sure at what time), to welcome the Swedish ship The Gotheborg into the capital. I know it’s slightly tragic, but I really want to go and see that. As an aside, if HMS Belfast were to actually fire live shells from its guns in their current position they would land on the M1 motorway services at Scratchwood some 12.5 miles away. Someone doesn’t like Little Chef, obviously.

28 Weeks Later, a horror flick sequel set in a zombie-ravaged London, opened in cinemas on Friday. With positive reviews from Empire and The Guardian, you can expect more dystopian scenes of our capital, as well as the US military losing their grip on controlling an escalating disaster. I wonder where the writers got their ideas.

Finally, the swarms of tourists are currently gathering around the streets of London and will very soon be making life difficult for us all by blocking ticket barriers at the tube, standing in shop doorways, and pointing at tube maps in a slightly bemused fashion, their eyes screaming for help. Let’s be honest, we’ve made it too easy for Johnny Foreigner to navigate our public transport system, and Going Underground has found the solution.

And, apropos of nothing, how good are these light-up Transformers t-shirts? You know you want one.

2007-04-30T11:31:00.000+01:00

Gumballs of Fire!

On Sunday 29th April, the Gumball 3000 rally set of from London's Pall Mall. Whilst not strictly a race as such (outwardly encouraging speed would be a big no no), drivers of some of the most glorious supercars will endeavour to be the first from London to Turkey and back again.

With the entry fee at £25,000 it's not for the average Max Power reader, but the event attracts the rich and famous from across the world. Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera and Ryan Dunn from Jackass have all put in an appearance, along with Jodie Kidd, Adrien Brody, Chris Eubank, Jay Kay and countless others.

Police across Europe keep a very keen eye on proceedings, and aren't exactly forgiving (the German forces have already been pulling people over). But the event is conducted with an emphasis on fun and sportsmanship, with a gentlemen's agreement usually enough to determine the winner.

The rally will finish in London's Trafalgar Square on Saturday 5th May, 6 days and 3000 mile later. Until then, you can keep up to speed with developments via the excellent official Gumball 3000 website. It's definetly worth keeping an eye on the forums for the photos and videos coming in from the rally.

Mark my words, when my lottery numbers finally come in....

2007-04-25T15:35:00.000+01:00

Witty Title Goes Here

I've had literally two people tell me to do a new blog entry so here it is, in all its underwhelming glory: another tenuous series of random stories about London.

The first lady of breakfast Lauren Laverne has left the XFM morning show, and is to be replaced by Alex Zane of Popworld fame (almost rhymes, nice). Lauren had her knockers (fnar), but I liked her in that slot (fnar fnar). Listener figures hadn't been good for the London-based breakfast show however, and so off she slides in preparation for the forthcoming new series of The Culture Show.

That seems as good a reason as any to nudge you towards erstwhile XFM presenter, comedian and son of London, Adam Buxton. Such beardy goodness should be shared amongst the people, and I propose a general strike until Adam and cohort Joe Cornish are back on the wireless.

I really can't think of a decent segue, so I'm just going to leap straight into this one: the London Transport Museum. It's still closed until Autumn of this year, but the shop has reopened at the Covent Garden site. They're missing a trick though: how good are these cushions upholstered in the different patterns you'd find across the varying Underground tube lines. We like that, but although they are on the main site, they are not in the shop.

We also like finding out about London's abandoned Underground stations. If only we could get down there ourselves for some subterranean tunnel action.

Aaaaaaaaaaand finally, London's square mile can now boast almost complete wi-fi coverage, ideal for any braying, chinless bankers who might wish to email their coke dealer whilst out and about. Unlike other city-wide networks, it's not free though sadly.

Get away with you now, nicotine cravings are making me unstable.

2007-03-30T22:57:00.000+01:00

Crossing The Ocean

The House Of Lords this week decided to reject the UK government’s proposal for a ‘super-casino’ in Manchester, as well as 17 other smaller casinos. It seems to have been a move largely against the former rather than the latter, and it’s possible that the smaller casinos might be able to move through on a separate, smaller bill. But it remains to be seen how stubborn Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell and the government will be.

But gaps in the legislation have meant that casinos have been able to spring up independent of any of these more recent expansion efforts. One of the newest is the rather impressive-looking, if overly-named, The Casino At The Empire. Let’s just call it The Empire shall we? Ok, so it’s only an artist’s impression at the moment but any place that uses Ocean’s Eleven as such a heavy reference in its web promo video can’t be too bad (more of that brand of impartiality later!).

That works quite nicely as a segue into this: the film section. In first position, to the dealer’s left, we have Lucky You. Eric Bana, Drew Barrymore, he plays cards, she’s sweet and lovely, he’s a bit of an arse, he plays some more cards, learns a valuable lesson about life, they disappear into the sunset, and the audience pass out into their now vomit-soaked popcorn.

Perhaps more promising is the third and final instalment of the antics of everyone’s favourite heist crew: Ocean’s Thirteen. Some were disappointed with Ocean’s Twelve, but then some people are just like that. They’re back in Vegas and after revenge against the somewhat oddly named Willie Banks.

Maybe Willie could manage The Casino At The Empire?

2007-03-04T13:10:00.000Z

London Round-Up

The British Library's recent exhibition 'London: A Life In Maps' may have ended on March 4th but they have made available a series of layers for Google Earth, allowing you to browse around London in times gone by - Shoreditch in 1745, London docks in 1797, Regents Park in 1841, and the London Underground map of 1907. Find your inner cartophile.

Those with tastes of a more modern bent might be interested to have a look inside the 02 (neé Millennium) Dome. One plucky bunch of chaps scaled the roof and then sneaked inside and their photographs reveal some fanastics sights both inside and out. Lordy, that's one big tent.

Shamelessly taking my inspiration from Londonist and SkyscraperNews, what's up on the building-front in London? Pop-Art tower at Old Street you say? Curly-Wurlys or Helter Skelters at Bishopsgate? Portland House going down like a punk-ass bitch? Read on, McDuff.

More? You people are like vultures. Ok, stuck for where to have breakie in our fair city? Try the London Review Of Breakfasts (and I'd recommend The Breakfast Club on D'Arblay Street, Soho). Or if you are after something with a little more zing at a later hour, MexiLondon will guide you towards some sombrero-themed nosh.

You go now, daddy needs his personal time.

2007-02-08T11:01:00.000Z

Pinner In The Snow!

Hurrah for cold, wet, white stuff! Piccies are very big so you can click them and bask in the snowy goodness.

2007-02-01T13:03:00.000Z

And the North takes it

So the super-casino license is awarded to our friends in the north. Normally that means anything beyond Watford, but in this case it specifically refers to Manchester. A dark horse with 16 to 1 odds before the result was announced, the Mancunian bid was able to fight off competition from the favoured Greenwich and Blackpool bids.

Not that everyone is happy of course. The House Of Commons still has to approve what the Casino Advisory Panel has suggested, so look forward to some legal challenges from the also-rans. And lest we forget the ire of the media; the Daily Mail shows itself still willing to print anything alarmist, illogical, ignorant and reactionary, but the left are able to resist a quick punch in The Guardian either.

But what of the new Manchester casino? The man in charge will be Sol Kerzner, the man behind South Africa’s Sun City. The Guardian’s article regarding the casino mogul suggests a man who walks very much down the middle of most political, social and moral arguments.

Will the casino regenerate Manchester’s east-side? Will it pull punters away from the already beleagured Blackpool? Will it cause the end of civilisation as we know it? Place your bets.

2007-01-22T22:05:00.000Z

Another Bad-Beat Story

By this time next week the site of the UK's first 'super-casino' will be known, with London's Millennium Dome and Blackpool being the current front-runners. Predictably there is a slew of reports in the media surrounding the upcoming casino ventures (super or otherwise) across the nation and the chaos that is forecast thereafter: from leaked reports alleging a rise in crime, to concerns about gambling addictions, to the slightly less alarming tale of swindlers caught in the act.

Never missing a chance to stick the knife in, Channel 4 tonight screened its programme entitled 'Labour's Addiction To Gambling', part of its Dispatches strand. Aside from being an incredibly egotistical and self-centred piece of journalism (Antony Barnett really was very keen on repeatedly reminding us that it was him conducting the investigation), it also failed to make any lasting statements or reveal anything shocking.

In comparing Atlantic City to the upcoming changes to gambling law in the UK, Barnett seemed to somehow miss that the story of a city centred almost entirely around casinos is vastly different to allowing one or two new casinos (on quite a different scale to any in Atlantic City) to open in a large town.

And yet there was no discussion as to how Las Vegas operates? Could this be because it didn't fit in with Barnett's argument? South Africa's Sun City was only mentioned in terms of possible political corruption and there was no mention at all of casino resorts in other countries.

Moving seamlessly from the real world to the internet, Barnett turned his attention to online gambling and the evils of physical casinos seemed to suddenly vanish as experts decided that in the real world gamblers can be spotted, controlled, and counseled.

It seems odd that in a country whose high streets are littered with bookmakers and with almost 70% of UK adults playing at least one National Lottery game, we seem to be hung up on the idea of casinos. We have them already, and anyone who has been in one for an evening's entertainment will attest to the fact that they are far from being catalysts to anti-social behaviour. Go to Vegas and tell me that whoever runs the casinos doesn't have the whole thing nailed-down tight.

To be fair to Barnett though, he is right that parts of the process have been deeply flawed and that there are concerns worth discussing regarding the impact on a society of a large casino. But to poke at problems without regard for actually trying to find reliable comparisons, and to claim that you have proved a point when you have yet to come close, is not worthy discussion.

2007-01-10T10:43:00.000Z

Terror In Your Inbox

MI5, the British security agency, has decided to keep the great unwashed masses up to date with the latest threats to the country via email. Yes that's right folks, you too can sign up to receive a missive instructing you exactly how worried you should be about people that have a slightly darker skin tone than yours. How very helpful.

Except, it's not. And what's worse is that MI5 actually know this, as the disclaimer on their website states:

The Security Service shall have no liability to any person for the accuracy or contents of the security advice published on this website. The Security Service assumes no responsibility to any person. No warranties are given. No liability is accepted for any inclusion or omission herefrom or the absence of any other information or matter. Furthermore, no liability or responsibility is accepted for any further advice given or omission to give further advice, prior to or subsequent to the advice published on this website.

Which kind of makes you wonder why we have a security service at all really.

2006-12-31T16:34:00.000Z

2006: Year Of The Twat

So we wrap-up another year in typically inglorious fashion, feels rather fitting somehow. I must be turning into a rather cantankerous old sod because there's just been too many things that have annoyed me this year:

1. Wearing hats ironically. We've all seen it: young men in pubs in trilbies, panamas, fedoras, or those baseball caps that look like they've been liberated from the head of a truck-driver from Alabama. It doesn't make you cool, it doesn't make you rebellious, and it certainly doesn't make you quirky. Please, fuck off.

2. Repeatedly pushing the button for the lift. Picture the scene: you have arrived at a set of lifts, hoping to travel to another floor in the building (such is the purpose of lifts). You press the appropriate up and down button, and wait patiently. Then, some cretin comes along and presses the button again repeatedly. What the fuck do you think is going to happen? Will the lift somehow get a sense of urgency and suddenly rush to our floor, bypassing all others, in order to satisfy your impatience?

3. Blaming 'Political Correctness'. The sure sign of someone who is not only laden with prejudices but also an incredibly slow-witted individual with no sense of reality or proportion is the person who blames some form of societal shift on 'political correctness'. Admit it, you just want to say that you hate blacks/asians/immigrants/homosexuals/muslims/ad infinitum...

4. Reality TV stars. Yes, this is an obvious choice, but which of us hasn't wanted to stove-in the face of some oxygen thief that thinks they have a god-given right to be famous without actually having any talent or having to work in any real fashion. I'm waiting for the day when Big Brother auditions actually become a cunning ruse to start culling the more retarded members of society.

5. Pete Doherty. Speaking of oxygen thieves, let's hope this pretentious little cunt either takes his sub-adolescent ramblings elsewhere in 2007, or just dies. I also refer you to 'ironic hat-wearing'.

6. Non-smokers. Now, don't get me wrong here. I'm about to give up smoking (hopefully) so I'll soon be joining these ranks. But it's not non-smokers per se that I have a problem with, it's the ones that seem to think that is crusade for them and that smokers and smoking should be run into the sea. Well, if you get your way, let's just see what happens to your tax bill shall we? Smokers and smoking-related diseases cost the NHS Â£1.5 billion per year, and the government gains around Â£7 billion in tax revenue a year.

7. Music on trains and buses. Thanks, what I really want to hear on my way home after a day's graft is some shitty little bit of garage music played through the tinny speaker of a mobile phone.

I could go on, but I'm trying to be healthier for 2007 and so I'll stop now before my blood-pressure causes my eyes to pop.

2006-12-21T10:47:00.000Z

Stocking Fillums

Never let it be said that I leave you wanting over Christmas. It might have been a fair while since my last post, but a couple of things have come to my attention and I'm just too full of glee and festive cheer to keep them inside any longer.

Up first, we the the new trailer for Ocean's Thirteen. Now, many people didn't like Ocean's Twelve but personally I was a big fan. It did feel a bit like 'George Clooney's European Vacation' at times, but when a film is this slick and this much fun it's hard not to get pleasing tingly sensations. And let's be fair here, Clooney is the premier actor of this generation. Question is, where is Juila Roberts? Well, if the plot rumours are true, there's a hint in the trailer.

Following hot on the heels of Danny Ocean and his crew are the Transformers. Michael Bay can certainly churn out some crap, so I'll keep an open mind as to how this might end up. However, it does look nice and dark and they're going to keep teasing us with this tantalising glimpses of the robots themselves. We live in hope.

Oh, and I almost forgot. You know those stories of 'political correctness' where the use of the word Christmas or any overtly religious symbols surrounding the festive period are banned? Yeah, absolute bollocks. Read this excellent Guardian article and things become clearer. And haven't you ever noticed when people complain about 'political correctness', they're basically asking why they can't discriminate about a certain group of people they don't like?

Herry Mistmas to all of yule.

2006-11-05T16:22:00.000Z

Sleep Walking

401 years ago, on 5th November 1605, Guy Fawkes and a group of fellow Roman Catholic conspirators attempted to blow up the Parliament of England and with it the protestant King James I. Seeking retribution and revenge for persecution, Guy Fawkes was caught, tortured, and executed. Every 5th November, Britain commemorates this plot with large displays of fireworks and bonfires.

What was a plan to overthrow a brutal government has become a family event and a reason to marvel at the colourful explosions that pepper the sky from dusk onwards. But where is the modern-day Guy Fawkes to remind us of what is being taken away from us and what our country is sleep-walking towards?

The present-day government’s pursual of ID cards attempts to enforce standards across the populace, irrespective of the know costs, failings, and infringements upon the individual. In Britain today, there is one CCTV camera for every 14 people. DNA profiles will be kept for all persons arrested, whether you are actually charged, convicted, or not.

The right to protest in Parliament Square has been a long-held British right, but this is now left to the decision of the police as to whether they allow it or not. Permission must be sought beforehand, and it is a criminal offence to start a protest without that permission.

Under the eyes of a law, a protest constitutes two or more people gathered with a common voice on a specific subject.

When the Nazis arrested the Communists,
I said nothing; after all, I was not a Communist.
When they locked up the Social Democrats,
I said nothing; after all, I was not a Social Democrat.
When they arrested the trade unionists,
I said nothing; after all, I was not a trade unionist.
When they arrested the Jews, I said nothing; after all, I was not a Jew.
When they arrested me, there was no longer anyone who could protest.
(Martin Niemöller, 1892—1984)

With few viable political alternatives, how are the British public supposed to resist this movement towards state control. Few would argue that in turbulent times there needs to be control, but control that is exercised erroneously under this guise is historically the first steps toward dictatorship.

Supporters of these measures argue that “if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear”, unwittingly suggesting that if you fear persecution then you should be persecuted.

The truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country isn’t there?

2006-10-02T12:53:00.000+01:00

Snooze Culture

With alarming frequency I'm finding myself in need of a nice little doze in the evenings after dinner (or after lunch, if we're talking weekends). It's a pleasant feeling to recline on the sofa and let that sleepy feeling wash over you as BBC News 24 drones relentlessly in the background. But it's not all sunshine and lemonade in the land of the daytime kipper.

First of all, there's the fact that my sofa just isn't quite long enough to stretch out fully; this either results in my feet being elevated at a somewhat odd angle, or risking serious neck injury at the other end. And timing is crucial as well: a snooze that is too prolonged can leave precious time wipe the drool from one's chin, adjust the hair to some semblance of normality, and to try and do something about the crease marks on your face from the cushions before you head off to the pub.

And yet, a greater and more sinister force is at work. There are four signs of the apocalypse that a chap approaching 30 years of age needs to be aware of:

The inexorable march of the army of grey hairs

Stopping to look in estate agent windows

Seeing the Conservative Party as increasingly electable

The need for 'a little lie down'

These are not the signs of reckoning, but the signs that you are rapidly turning into your parents.

Doctors recommend around 8 hours sleep in order to be refreshed. Margaret Thatcher famously existed on only 4 hours per night, and you don't need me to say how that turned out in the end. But does inactivity breed laziness? Does too much sleep simply make you more tired?

I'd try to work it out, but I feel a bit tired so I'm going for a snooze. Hold my calls.

2006-09-10T21:09:00.000+01:00

The Spy Some Love To Hate

Sticking with the recent casino theme of this blog, but adding a tasty twist of lemon, let's have a look at the upcoming James Bond film, Casino Royale.

It's fair to assume that Mr Kiss-Kiss, Bang-Bang will have more success than most of us at the tables, but not everyone has been looking forward to a big-pay off from this latest installement in the franchise. So much so, that a goup of individuals have bandied together to form the 'Daniel Craig Not James Bond' website. To be honest, it seems the most moronic activity to boycott a film that you haven't even seen yet. In other situations it would smack of Daily Mail-esque idiocy.

For me however, the latest trailer shows that this film could breath new life into one of cinema's most enduring franchises. Daniel Craig is not the pretty-boy Bond we might have come to expect, but I think he can carry it off. I wasn't sure at first, and frankly Pierce Brosnan will always be the best Bond for me, but I'm warming to Daniel Craig. Examing his past roles shows he certainly has more than enough ability to impress.

We will see a stripped down Bond, with no 'Q' and an agent distinctly more reliant on his guts rather than his gadgets. But some things won't change: the Aston Martin is still going to be present, Judi Dench will be back as 'M', and David Arnold will once more bring us top-notch Bond tunes to keep us humming along. Perhaps an interesting indication of this new direction is the appointment of Audioslave (and former Soundgarden) singer Chris Cornell to sing the theme tune 'You Know My Name'. This is ain't no Shirley Bassey or Tina Turner.

But go check out the official site where you can see the new trailer and some interesting blog entries, and the various video clips available at Moviefone, then tell me it doesn't look like we'll be having fun come November 17th.

2006-09-05T12:34:00.000+01:00

A Chance To Rake It In

As the hearings continue into the prospective bids for the UK's first 'Super Casino', Glasgow could be emerging as a potential surprise. Despite doubts cast about prospective benefits (and indeed costs) it may bring to the city, the recent controversy surrounding the bid from the Millenium Dome in London seems to actually be raising the legitmacy of rival bids for the lucrative license.

Undeterred however, the Millenium Dome pushes on and is even advertising jobs for casino-related positions on its website. The Dome may yet benefit from Scottish First Minister Jack McConnell refusing to endorse Glasgow's project, but there are still strong challenges in the form of Cardiff and Newcastle to be wary of.

But outside of the Super Casino war, there is still activity in the existing UK market. Harrah's, one of Las Vegas's largest casino operators, has tabled a bid for London Clubs International, owners of The Sportsman and The Rendezvous amongst other national venues. Previously, LCI had been in talks with Stanley Leisure about a possible merger, but this has fallen by the wayside and Stanley Leisure are now seen as a prospective take-over candidate themselves. Whilst the actual suitor is as yet unknown, it's not all bad news as Stanley Leisure's shares rose a 130.5p to 811p with the news.

Damn, I always spot the good bets too late.

2006-09-01T14:32:00.000+01:00

The house always wins, but which house will it be?

As the debate surrounding the new generation of casinos in the UK continues, I thought I would explore what it will entail. New laws seek to build on previous changes (such as the abolition of a 24 hour cooling-off period after joining) but also to create more casinos. These can be fall into three distinct groups

Regional Casino: the much-touted ‘super casino’, of which there will be one in the whole of the UK. It will have a minimum public floor space of 5,000 square metres, containing no more than 1,250 Category A unlimited jackpot machines, and allow bingo and betting.

Large Casinos: 8 new large casinos will be permitted, with a minimum floor space of 1,500 square metres, 150 Category B machines (maximum jackpot £4,000), and will also allow bingo and betting.

Small Casinos: the proposal allows for the creation of 8 small casinos with a minimum floor space of 750 square metres, 80 Category B machines, with on-site betting.

It is of course the ‘super casino’ that is generating the most interest, amongst both those in favour and those against. But it’s hard to put the above figures into some sense of scale, so let’s compare them to a couple of casinos you may have visited already:

Grosvenor Victoria (London): 2,816 square metre floor space, 36 tables, 10 machines.

Hard Rock (London): 1,574 square metres floor space, 12 tables, 20 machines.

For anyone who’s visited either of those it makes you aware that the minimum floor space for the super casino isn’t that large, but how far will they actually go above the minimum?

Sensing the opportunity for a huge cash-cow, many regions applied for the license to host the super casino, and recent deliberations narrowed it down to the following shortlist: Wembley Stadium (London), Millenium Dome (London), Cardiff, Blackpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Sheffield, and Glasgow.

Things move quickly however, and despite cries of foul from rivals, the Millenium Dome (owned by AEG and millionaire Philip Anschutz, friend of one J. Prescott MP) has already begun the basic steps of casino construction. As such, it has now overtaken Blackpool as the favourite to play host to the gamers’ paradise. Sadly, Wembley also looks to be out of the running after the local council withdrew their support. Hopefully this won’t affect the other planned developments for an entertainment complex around the stadium (which do look very impressive), but I can’t help but feel it will now be lacking something.

Not all are happy with the proposals however, with the Millenium Dome already provoking the ire of the local clergy, and more widespread criticism from gambler-support groups. But the UK has a bookmakers in nearly every high street and millions play the National Lottery every week, so would a casino (super or otherwise) make that much difference? By way of perspective, the permanent population of Las Vegas is often cited as having a lower incidence of gambling addiction than the US average, and many experts believe that those with an addiction are much more at risk from on-line gambling, where they can stay away from prying eyes and judgement.

But one thing is certain: I’ll see you at the Black Jack tables.

2006-08-29T14:29:00.000+01:00

Sometimes there IS justice..

I'll say nothing other than to copy and paste from the BNP's website:

The valiant attempt by two dedicated BNP activists to raise desperately needed funds for the party has ended after injury, bad weather and incidents which make life hell for decent folk in Blair's Britain.The first blow to the attempt by North Yorkshire duo Tom Linden and Steve King to paddle a canoe along the 127 mile Liverpool-Leeds Canal came on Sunday when the support caravan supplied by Steve, the BNP Liverpool Organiser was broken into and items stolen including all of Tom's clothes, digital camera, binoculars, multi-tool, mobile phone charger and other items including the donation of over £70, a sum raised in the Liverpool pub the night before the duo set off. The mini-DVD player belonging to fellow canoeist Steve was also stolen. Despite this set back the two carried on for two days through heavy rain and strong head winds. The day ended on a tragic note however, not only did Steve sustain an injury to his back after slipping on the canal bank but the support caravan was stolen from the pub car-park where it had been parked.

Start laughing..... now!

2006-07-31T10:08:00.000+01:00

Remember, remember...

Today sees the DVD release of V For Vendetta, a film with mixed reviews upon its cinematic release, but a really brilliant movie of the last year for me. Following the protagonist, V, in his quest for justice (or is it vengeance?) we see him expose hypocrisy and corruption in the upper-levels of government based in the near-future of a fascist-controlled Britain. Taking on the role of Guy Fawkes, he has only one ultimate goal.

But not only is Guy Fawkes alive and well today, he's also got a blog. Well, sort of. The Guy Fawkes Blog is aimed at UK politics and continues the tradition of his namesake in trying to improve the political-lot of the average man, but thankfully not by razing the House Of Parliament.

Might we yet end up with our very own V?

2006-07-28T23:34:00.000+01:00

Forgive these few minutes of indulgence...

The final two episodes of The West Wing just screened on Channel 4, and it is odd to see the passing of a television show that has meant so much to me and influenced me greatly. I'm not one for creating idols for myself and it's even more strange to believe a television character can have such power, but President Josiah Bartlet was a beautiful depiction of what we'd all want ourselves to be, not just our leaders.

During the time I spent at eBay, Jed was a real role model for me. Ok, so the American influence and frequent trips to the states probably had a fair hand in amplifying the feeling somewhat, but that's nothing to be ashamed of when your ultimate goal is one of good and decency.

There are things we do and decisions we take that will cause us regret and even deep hurt in our lives, and we often wish we could take them back and start over again. I was visited, by proxy if you will, by a ghost from my not-too-distant past today and it made me the remember the high regard by which I held that person. He was (again, please forgive the indulgence) the Leo McGarry to my self-imagined Jed Bartlet.

So, what am I thinking about?

Tomorrow.

2006-07-04T10:47:00.000+01:00

I was lucky enough to attend a preview screening of Superman Returns on Sunday, and whilst I won't bore you for too long with a review of the film I will say that it was better than I was expecting not least because of a brilliantly villianous turn from Kevin Spacey. Well shot, beautifully crafted and well acted, it does verge towards a younger audience than previous superhero films such as X-Men and Spider-Man which at times leaves you noticing the absence of any real tension. But that's the thing with the Man Of Steel: he's kinda tricky to beat. Still, I did get goosebumps the first time I saw that streak of red and blue again.

But all this is, as they say, small potatoes because the only reason for this post is to get you to see Superman Is A Dick; a collection of REAL comic-book covers through the ages that show Superman to be more than a bit of a wanker. Enjoy.

2006-07-01T00:25:00.000+01:00

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood.
Disguise fair nature with hard favour'd rage;
Then lend the eyes a terrible aspect;
Let it pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon...

And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

2006-06-29T14:07:00.000+01:00

Welcome to the latest installment of the infrequent series 'Stuffs That I Have Seen And Liked'!

If you listen to Lauren Laverne's XFM breakfast show you will already be familiar with Cheeky Pete, but you might not have heard his Wide-Eyed Guide to the World Cup. Wide-eyed wonderment ahoy! In a similar vain, Baddiel and Skinner are also casting their pods as far as the ear can hear.

YouTube provides the ammunition for our next volley of loveliness. Why not indulge in watching Noel Edmonds accidentally insult a disabled child, marvel at the girl who is mortally afraid of pickles, watch Gnarls Barkley perform 'Crazy' in full Star Wars costumes at the MTV awards, or simply stroke your monitor in gentle adoration at Seth MacFarlane's speech to the graduating class at Harvard, performed with the character voices from Family Guy (see also parts 2, 3 and 4).

Wait a minute, what's that noise? Why, it's the sound of tennis player and professional ginge Andy Murray back-peddling! But the Scotch need not worry, for medical help is on the way!

Join me again next time, when I will be showing you how to overthrow the democratically elected government of a South American nation using only a sock and a magic-eye picture.

2006-06-27T22:03:00.000+01:00

Inspired by a recent article in Time Out #1870 (June 21st '06), here's a little look ahead to a couple of the new buildings that could be changing the London skyline.

London Bridge Tower (The Shard): standing on the Thames (where else?) at 310m high it will be 75m higher than Canary Wharf. The project is due to start in the very near future and is due for completion at the end of 2010.

Heron Tower: located in Bishopsgate and with a more restrained height of 242m but at a similar time in 2010, The Heron Tower's top floor will be a public restaurant.

Of course, when you put this in the context of somewhere like Dubai, this palls somewhat. Consider the Burj Dubai with a rumoured height of 810m upon completion. Tasty!

2006-06-21T19:14:00.000+01:00

It took a long time and many miles were covered, but I have returned from the Le Mans 24 Hours race in France. There's better coverage of what happened in other news sources, but I thought I'd just make a note of a few lessons learned:

1. Wet Wipes are an essential item. Their uses are not limited to the obvious lavatorial scenarios, but to a greater issue of cleanliness. When the only other obvious choice is a 20 minute queue for freezing cold showers, the wipe wins every time. Wet Wipes: a shower in your hand.

2. Some of the members (and I use the term in all its meanings) from the PistonHeads website are complete wankers. Facing a 7 hour delay for the tunnel, they managed to blag it onto an earlier train. Fair enough. But when we ask for help, don't just completely blank us, ignore us, and pretend we are not there. We're all in it together, so how about helping out a fellow British race fan?

3. French petrol stations seem to fall into two categories: the normal kind as one might expect, and the kind that can ONLY be used if you have a French bank account. It was the latter of these two that we found ourselves at with a Caterham dangerously low on fuel. Many thanks to the anonymous Aston Martin driver from York who helped us out.

4. The roundabout at the Houx Annex campsite is the place to be on a Friday night. Those who fancy their cars, or maybe just themselves, come to burn rubber and show off to the crowd. Those with open roofs/windows get soaked, and Subaru Impreza drivers don't seem to realise that 4 wheel drive means that getting the back-end to step out is virtually impossible. Hats off to the middle aged French dude (we presume) in what appeared to be a brand new Renault Clio hire car who went faster than everyone else as his mate nonchalantly rested his foot out of the window on the wing mirror.

Our 'team' nicknames in full: Matt - Le Singe Premier / Turkish; James P - Jimmy The Gel; James L - Chunder Bin Liner; Barry - Bazzichella; Jon - Zoidberg.

Will 'Bureau Des Singes' be back next year? Watch this space. Oh, and pictures/video to come soon as well!

2006-06-11T15:34:00.000+01:00

I'm far too busy watching the World Cup and sweating during this very English summer to think of anything truely interesting or relevant to say, so I thought I'd just have a quick run through a number of web sites that I've been playing with recently:

BBC World Cup Daq: I have to put this first, as I helped build it! Buy and sell shares in the 32 countries competing in the 2006 FIFA World Cup, and see those shares rise or fall depending on market activity as well as the amount of press coverage the country receives. Prizes include team shirts, signed footballs, tours of BBC Sport, Premiership tickets, and the chance to read the final scores out on BBCi!

MetaWeather: taking an aggregation of data from various weather forecasting sources, this site tries to predict the most likely outcome and what the weather will actually be like. It is only in its Beta stage at the moment, but it is good fun to play around with and was created by a BBC colleague, Jason Cartwright .

last.fm: create your profile and get your very own personalised radio station based on your tastes, taking recommendations and artists similar to your current tastes to keep your music tastes growing. This can open you up to a wealth of excellent new music.

del.icio.us: keep all your bookmarks online and readily accessible. You'll never be without them again!

That's all for now, run along you little urchins!

2006-05-31T22:55:00.000+01:00

So, Pinner fair has arrived in..... erm, Pinner. Every year since 1336 asorted carnie-folk (small hands, smell of cabbage etc.) descend onto this little town in North West London and turn the streets into a fun fair. Kinda painful for the residents as all the roads get shut off, the town is swamped by dodgy folk (mostly the punters to be fair to the carnies).

I've always lived near to Pinner, but this year is the first time I've lived right in the middle of where the action is. My lounge window looks right out onto the fair. The set-up starts on Tuesday and through the evening, with the main fair being on Wednesday daytime and evening. But by Thursday they will be gone again. You can see the developments in this series of photos (click for bigger):

The rides and stalls are the usual fare really (pun intended), but I can't help but think that some of the names need to be livened up. I should propose some names like The Whirly-M'Jig, The Chunder Blender, and the Aerial Shit-Storm (anything that goes up high and makes you want to crap yourself). Given that many of these rides hover, whirl, and generally petrify their occupants whilst operating about 5ft away from the sides of buildings I think it's safe to say that Pinner fair has a danger element all its own.

Pinner spends these few days being essentially destroyed with crap and rubbish, all bollards and bus shelters removed, but once the fair leaves it will have been spotlessly cleaned. Thus, it spends the next 363 days of the year crawling to its inexorable, grubby climax once more. Oh look, here are some other random pix:

That last pic is shamelessly stolen from the Harrow Council website and shows the view up the High Street during Pinner Fair in 1900. Right then, I'm off to see who is pissing/vomiting/shagging behind my flat!

2006-05-28T11:00:00.000+01:00

I received some rather sad news on Saturday evening. An ex-colleague and friend of mine, Tamsin Causer, died during a sky-dive in Spain. On her way out of the plane, she hit her head against a fellow diver's knee and fell unconcious into the sea below and drowned. Tamsin was the holder of 4 world records for sky-diving, and lead a full and active life. She was also one of the most fun-loving and chatty people I've ever met, and it doesn't feel right that if life is so valuable then why is it so fragile?

Tamsin did a lot of her jumps for charity, and so it's only right I should link to the Jump For The Cause website. Bye bye, Tammy-chan. We'll miss you.

Saturday was an odd day indeed, and it didn't finish with that sad news. Shortly afterwards I was at Pinner station with a couple of friends. We'd seen a couple of police officers on the platform when we had arrived, and my friend Rob had overheard on their radio that they were there because they had been warned that someone was planning to jump infront of a train. Just as Elliott wondered-aloud who it might be, the train started to approach and I saw someone move from behind me towards the edge of the platform very quickly. I moved round as fast as I could and stood right behind them, ready to make a grab for them if they moved again. As they had stopped, I was now unsure as to whether this person was going to jump and I didn't want scare them or risk and collosal misunderstanding if I had got it wrong. As the train came further into the station the person, a teenage girl, moved back from the edge of the platform and I assumed I had simply over-reacted to someone standing way too close to the edge. She boarded the train and we sat down in the seats on the opposite side and thought nothing of it. That was until the police walked down the train, saw her, and then gently escorted her off the train to safety. She had indeed been planning to jump.

God only knows if I would have been able to stop her had she decided to jump. Could I have grabbed her in time? Would I have even been able to move or would I have stood petrified? I guess it's a good thing that we'll never need to know.

One life lost, and one life that balanced on the brink for a dangerous moment.

2006-05-25T18:02:00.000+01:00

I finally decided that if every other loser can have a blog, then why should this loser be any different? I'll try and keep the mundane details out of it but we'll just have to wait and see whether or not what is left is worth reading.

So I'll try and post now and again, and if you fancy commenting on whatever I've written then just click on the 'comment' link below the post and vent your spleen.

In terms of recent news, I went to see the BBC 2 show Top Gear being filmed yesterday in Surrey. There was lots of standing around as you'd expect, but it was a very interesting experience and not least to see how much Clarkson, May, and Hammond swear off-camera. Ewan McGregor was the star guest, and the show saw the return of the Koenigsegg CCX with its new spoiler. Talking of spoilers, look away if you don't want to know whether it beat the lap-record or not. It did.

To keep the interest (and incur the wrath) of the Richard Hammond fans though, I have to say he came across as a very grumpy little man with too much fake tan. But Clarkson and May were both top blokes and mixed around with the audience during the tea break, chatting and signing autographs. They both signed the pack of supercar Top Trumps I had in my pocket by coincidence. James said "Top Trumps? This is my all time favourite game! Hammond doesn't like it because he always loses.", Clarkson questioned how old I was to have a pack of Top Trumps on me, and Hammond? Nowhere to be seen.